[Klinik Terjemahan 2015] Briliant Move (2)

Peserta: Asrtrid Prasetya

Naskah asli:

Brilliant Move

Shortly after learning that Madeleine’s mother not only didn’t like him but was actively trying to break them up, at a time of year on the Cape when the brevity of daylight mimicked the diminishing wattage of his own brain, Leonard found the courage to take his destiny, in the form of his mental disorder, into his own hands.

It was a brilliant move The reason Leonard hadn’t thought of it earlier was just another side effect of the drug. Lithium was very good at inducing a mental state in which taking lithium seemed like a good idea. It tended to make you just sit there. Sitting there, at any rate, was pretty much what Leonard had been doing for the last six months since getting out of the hospital. He’d asked his psychiatrists—both Dr. Shieu at Providence Hospital and his new shrink, Perlmann, at Mass General—to explain the biochemistry involved in lithium carbonate (Li2CO3). Humoring him as a “fellow scientist,” they’d talked about neurotransmitters and receptors, decreases in norepinephrine releases, increases in serotonin synthesis. They’d listed, but hadn’t elaborated on, the possible downsides of taking lithium, and then mainly to discuss yet more drugs that would be helpful in minimizing the side effects. All in all, it was a lot of pharmacology and pharmaceutical brand names for Leonard to digest, especially in his compromised mental condition.

Four years ago, when Leonard had been officially diagnosed with manic depression in the spring semester of his freshman year, he hadn’t thought much about what the lithium was doing to him. He’d just wanted to get back to feeling normal. The diagnosis had seemed like one more thing—like lack of money, and his messed-up family—that had threatened to keep Leonard from getting ahead, just when he was beginning to feel that his luck had finally changed. He took his meds twice daily, like an A student. He started therapy, first seeing a mental health counselor at Health Services before finding Bryce Ellis, who took pity on Leonard’s student poverty and charged him on a sliding scale. For the next three years, Leonard treated his manic depression like a concentration requirement in something he wasn’t much interested in, doing the bare minimum to pass.

Excerpt From: Eugenides, Jeffrey. “The Marriage Plot.” Fourth Estate, 2011-10-03T06:00:00+00:00. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.

Terjemahan dan suntingan:

Astrid_1

Astrid_2

Astrid_3

Catatan penyuntingan:

  1. Untuk penerjemahan judul, usahakan tidak melenceng jauh dari bahasa asal. Gunakan kalimat yang pendek agar tetap
  2. Pelajari lebih banyak tentang aturan gramatikal bahasa Indonesia, misalnya penggunaan “Bukan … melainkan” dan “Tidak … tetapi.”
  3. Nama-nama tempat bisa diterjemahkan atau tidak diterjemahkan, dalam hal ini konsistensi perlu diperhatikan.
  4. Waspada terhadap idiom. Contoh dalam teks di atas adalah “take his destiny … into his own hands.”
  5. Gunakan kalimat yang efektif.
  6. Hasil terjemahan seharusnya tidak terasa seperti terjemahan. Jika struktur kalimat masih seperti bahasa asal, maka ada yang salah dengan terjemahan kita. Coba olah kembali kalimat yang diterjemahkan, dan gunakan struktur bahasa Indonesia. Yang penting maknanya tidak bergeser dan tetap benar.

Pengampu: Berliani M. Nugrahani

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[Klinik Terjemahan 2015] Briliant Move (1)

Peserta: Nurul Darmadjaja

Naskah asli:

Brilliant Move

Shortly after learning that Madeleine’s mother not only didn’t like him but was actively trying to break them up, at a time of year on the Cape when the brevity of daylight mimicked the diminishing wattage of his own brain, Leonard found the courage to take his destiny, in the form of his mental disorder, into his own hands.

It was a brilliant move The reason Leonard hadn’t thought of it earlier was just another side effect of the drug. Lithium was very good at inducing a mental state in which taking lithium seemed like a good idea. It tended to make you just sit there. Sitting there, at any rate, was pretty much what Leonard had been doing for the last six months since getting out of the hospital. He’d asked his psychiatrists—both Dr. Shieu at Providence Hospital and his new shrink, Perlmann, at Mass General—to explain the biochemistry involved in lithium carbonate (Li2CO3). Humoring him as a “fellow scientist,” they’d talked about neurotransmitters and receptors, decreases in norepinephrine releases, increases in serotonin synthesis. They’d listed, but hadn’t elaborated on, the possible downsides of taking lithium, and then mainly to discuss yet more drugs that would be helpful in minimizing the side effects. All in all, it was a lot of pharmacology and pharmaceutical brand names for Leonard to digest, especially in his compromised mental condition.

Four years ago, when Leonard had been officially diagnosed with manic depression in the spring semester of his freshman year, he hadn’t thought much about what the lithium was doing to him. He’d just wanted to get back to feeling normal. The diagnosis had seemed like one more thing—like lack of money, and his messed-up family—that had threatened to keep Leonard from getting ahead, just when he was beginning to feel that his luck had finally changed. He took his meds twice daily, like an A student. He started therapy, first seeing a mental health counselor at Health Services before finding Bryce Ellis, who took pity on Leonard’s student poverty and charged him on a sliding scale. For the next three years, Leonard treated his manic depression like a concentration requirement in something he wasn’t much interested in, doing the bare minimum to pass.

Excerpt From: Eugenides, Jeffrey. “The Marriage Plot.” Fourth Estate, 2011-10-03T06:00:00+00:00. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.

Terjemahan dan suntingan:

Nurul_Darmadjaja_1

Nurul_Darmadjaja_2

Nurul_Darmadjaja_3

Catatan penyuntingan:

  1. Mengenai penerjemahan judul, Aksi Brilian benar, namun secara rasa saya lebih menyukai Langkah Brilian.
  2. Pelajari lebih banyak tentang aturan gramatikal bahasa Indonesia, misalnya penggunaan “Bukan … melainkan” dan “Tidak … tetapi.”
  3. Nama-nama tempat bisa diterjemahkan atau tidak diterjemahkan, dalam hal ini konsistensi perlu diperhatikan.
  4. Waspada terhadap idiom. Contoh dalam teks di atas adalah “take his destiny … into his own hands.”
  5. Gunakan kalimat yang efektif.
  6. Hasil terjemahan seharusnya tidak terasa seperti terjemahan. Jika struktur kalimat masih seperti bahasa asal, maka ada yang salah dengan terjemahan kita. Coba olah kembali kalimat yang diterjemahkan, dan gunakan struktur bahasa Indonesia. Yang penting maknanya tidak bergeser dan tetap benar.

Pengampu: Berliani M. Nugrahani