[Klinik Terjemahan 2015] City of Stars – Christy Muliana

Teks asli

The brother that Falco loved best was Gaetano, the closest to him in age, and he wasn’t handsome at all. In fact, he was quite ugly, with a big nose and a wide crooked mouth. He was supposed to look like their grandfather Alfonso, who had built the great palace at Santa Fina. But Gaetano was the cleverest of all the brothers, and the most interested in the libraries at Santa Fina and at their uncle’s Papal palace.

He was also the most fun to be with. Gaetano could ride and fence and make up the most wonderful games. The happiest hours of Falco’s childhood had been spent with Gaetano at Santa Fina, acting out his invented romances of knights and ghosts and hidden treasure and family secrets of madmen and concealed wills and maps. Their older sister Beatrice could sometimes be persuaded to play the forlorn maidens or warrior queens which Gaetano’s invention required, but often Falco himself, with his delicate features and huge dark eyes, had to submit to being wrapped in scraps of muslin or brocade to take the female roles.

His favourite romances, though, had been the ones involving swordfights. He and his brother had started with toy wooden weapons but graduated to bated foils when Falco was ten. They had fought their way up and down all the staircases of the palace from the grand sweep of the main marble one to the mysterious branched wooden stairs of the servants’ quarters.

Suntingan

Christy Muliana

Ulasan

Menurut saya, kualitas terjemahan dilihat dari dua hal, ketepatan makna dan keterbacaan. Dari segi keterbacaan, terjemahan ini sudah cukup baik, tidak ada kalimat yang terasa kaku. Dari segi ketepatan makna, secara keseluruhan sudah cukup baik, tetapi ada dua catatan dari saya.

Pertama, sebisa mungkin terjemahkan semua informasi yang terkandung dalam teks asli, misalnya “acting out his invented romances of knights” atau “the grand sweep of the main marble one” atau “bated foil”.

Kedua, untuk kata-kata yang umum sekalipun, seperti “features”, ada baiknya kita mengonfirmasi makna tepatnya dengan melihat kamus, agar terjemahan kita tidak meleset.

suppose: to believe, especially on uncertain or tentative grounds

Rupanya banyak orang menganggap Gaetano ini mirip dengan kakeknya, tetapi tampaknya Falco sendiri tidak tahu pasti. Ketika saya coba mencari cerita ini di internet, ternyata si kakek ini memang meninggal dua puluh tahun sebelum Falco lahir. Jadi, Falco hanya tahu soal kemiripan ini dari perkataan orang lain, bukan menilai sendiri.

Papal: Of, relating to, or issued by a pope

Sebaiknya gunakan istilah yang lebih umum digunakan dan lebih mudah dipahami oleh orang non-Katolik.

Act out: To perform in or as if in a play; represent dramatically

Mereka memang berpura-pura menjadi tokoh dalam cerita, tetapi ada kata yang lebih tepat untuk kegiatan seperti ini, yaitu “memerankan”.

madman: a man who is insane, esp one who behaves violently; lunatic

Dalam dongeng, biasanya orang gila disembunyikan oleh keluarganya, menjadi rahasia keluarga. Jadi, bukan keluarganya atau rahasianya yang tidak waras.

features: the overall appearance of the face or its parts.

Rupanya wajah Falco ini lembut, sehingga mirip perempuan dan cocok memerankan tokoh perempuan dalam cerita.

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